Checking The Oil Can Be Hazardous

I can’t wait for football to start but with the Karen Sypher trial off for the weekend and nothing happening in the sports world, I thought I’d look at other famous people who were caught checking the oil.

Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton is at the top of the list because he was at the other end of the 15 second spectrum. When he had an affair with intern, Monica Lewkinsky, it almost got him impeached but also made him the hero of many poondawgs. The Oval Office for Christs sake how can you top that. How it affected him: His wife, Hilary Clinton, not only forgave him for his indiscretion, but the two are still married.

Jesse Jackson. In 2001, it was revealed Jackson had an affair with a staffer, that resulted in the birth of a daughter. How it affected him: He has never recovered from it and doesn’t command much respect today.

John McCain. He had a well-documented affair on his first wife, with his current wife. He has admitted in the books he has written about his life that he ran around with several different women while still married to his first wife. And don’t forget that he left her for a younger, richer woman – multi-millionaire Cindy Hensley who is now Cindy McCain – after she had been severely hurt in a car accident. How it affected him:All though it should have, it hasn’t affected him at all.

Wimp Sanderson. He won nearly three hundred basketball games, took Alabama to the Sweet Sixteen several times and won four SEC championships then he had an affair with his secretary. She also had an brief affair with his fist. How it affected him:Lost his job at Alabama then went to UAB for a couple of years and retired. This affair hurt Alabama way more than it did Wimp.

Rudy Giuliani. His messy divorce and subsequent remarriage were dragged into the spotlight during the 2008 presidential campaign, when questions arose over why New York City had picked up the tab for his security detail while he was involved in an affair with his current wife, Judith Nathan. How it affected him:Still a powerful figure in politics but he ruined his chance to be president.

Thats just a quick list. I could get into athletes who seem to take it as their right to cheat on their wives or how about presidents. JFK in the back of limos, FDR at hot springs and Eisenhower in Britain with an enlisted woman. If I get started on Hollywood I’ll never finish this so I wont even start on that cesspool.

As far as politicians go you might be wondering who cheats the most Republicans or Democrats. Eagle Investigative Services can give you the answers. To make it quick if you don’t want to follow the link, Republicans come out on top 50.2%% to 49.8% so its obvious that they prefer the missionary position more.

So remember checking the oil can be hazardous to your future.

Don’t Mess With A Lawyer

Day 5 is over and we watched loyalty to a fault as Tim Sypher played the part of faithful love struck sidekick. Arranging for an abortion and then falling in love with Ms Daisy quicker than the Fonz could attract hot chicks.

I have to wonder how much of a friend Rick really considers Hokie to put him in the middle of this. How long before faithful Tim leaves for greener pastures is anyones guess but I’d put the over/under at four months.

Its finally time to get around to Daisy. She brings up numerous questions Has anyone really taken a hard look at her and can you picture her in Daisy Dukes? How drunk do you have to be to poke this creature from the skank lagoon? Has anyone thought that Karen doesn’t really give blow jobs, she’s just on a diet and likes pocketburgers? What down on her luck actress will play Karen in the movie? Will the fall line of clothing be a big hit on the street corners of Louisville? Did menopause push Karen over the edge into going totally bonkers?

Stay tuned and many questions will be answered as the government gets ready to hammer Karen.

So far this whole affair can be boiled down to two simple words, lies and money.

I had planned to make fun of the gangster looking lawyer till I received a message in a bottle mentioning concrete slippers or a ride with Jerry Tipton looking for that 4 by 4 if I wrote it.

And finally where is the priest who travels with the team. If ever there was a time for a priest to support a repented sinner nows the time. More on this later.

Day 4 The Morning After

Day 4 the morning. There wasn’t really anything noteworthy that happened this morning so your kinda of stuck in the middle with my rambling thoughts.

The defense had their shot at cross examining Rick this morning and frankly they didn’t do a very good job. Of course there isn’t much that really has any bearing about getting Karen off of the charges. Thats just a non lawyer talking though.

The most exciting part of the morning was the stare Karen put on Rick as he walked out of court. I mean Frank Zappa would have had fun with that obtrusively conspicuous stare and undoubtedly would have become a top 40 mover n shaker with it.

That stare makes me wonder if Rick is going to get both barrels when he is called back for further grilling. In my non lawyer mind I would have ask questions like, have you ever done something like this before and have any women ever had an abortion after enjoying your favors. Tick Tick Tick Tick.

I’ve got to wonder what went on in Rick’s brain the morning after. I’m sure he was enveloped in a alcohol haze and hadn’t thought anything about any problems occurring with the 15 second nightmare that would show up years later.

If he had been able to look to the future that morning he probably would have felt the maggots crawling in his brain.

Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time
For y’all have knocked her up.
I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe
I was not offended
For I knew I had to rise above it all
Or drown in my own shit.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXq4GlHgROQ

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

Day 3 evening report on the Karen Sypher trial. Rick Pitino took the stand after lunch and proceeded to say something that will be remembered in Louisville sports history for ever. He said the sex only laster for 15 seconds or so. I find this a little hard to believe no pun intended. There was $500 worth of booze on the bill so I’m sorry but that 15 seconds can only means one of two things, a. or b. Feel free to fill in the blanks Louisville sports fans and remember this is the guy who is supposed to take you to the promised land and he can’t even manage the clock.

There were several others who testified but they didn’t give us much to laugh about.

Tomorrow morning should be fun with Rick Pitino to be cross examined by the defense. I wonder if Rick can hear that nagging sound now, tick tick tick tick tick.

If I cant get something good out of tomorrows testimony to write about I will just have to do a story on the mythological 4 by 4 known to inhabit central Kentucky.

Day 3 Morning Back Pack Reoprt

Day 3 is underway and the most important thing we have learned so far this morning is that either Karen isn’t a screamer or Rick didn’t get the whole Salami. This bodes well for the ladies in the next cell who just want to do their time.

Pitino’s Watch My Back Pack really knows how to party as the 500 buck bar tab showed. When someone put Jimmy Buffett on and he belted out “Why don’t we get drunk and screw?” the whole Back Pack went nuts and started checking out thongs.

Ok I know thats a bit over the top what else can I really say about this whole comedy of errors thats not going to be on ESPN but “The pleasing punishment that women bear” or “Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast”. Eat your heart out ESPN but remember “For slander lives upon succession, For ever housed where it gets possession” before you quote me.

Its living proof with all that went on leading up to this trial that Louisville is a town that shields their own. “They say this town is full of cozenage, As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye, Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind, Soul-killing witches that deform the body, Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks, And many such-like liberties of sin”.

Its also being rumored in the press room that Karen Sypher is starting her own business to help support her kids while she is on her vacation. Jerry Tipton was reported as saying that he saw a billboard going up while driving around looking for someone in a new 4 by 4 to write about.

Will Tomorrow Be A Haunting Day

Day two is finished but no Karen or Rick on the stand today. We did get a gas man who took food out of his family’s mouths to give Karen spending money $20 to $40 at a time. A bartender with a memory like a steel trap. With her memory you never know what you will be drinking while shes on duty. A pro golfer who wanted to see Ricks putter. A printer who is a Porcini’s regular and a job counselor.

Tomorrow we are expecting as government wittinesses a shoe salesman who is set to testify about how uncomfortable concrete shoes are and Jerry Tipton who will testify that the FBI questioned him about the 4 by 4 Karen was driving.

I’m gonna call day 2 a draw. Will tomorrow bring forth someone worthy trashing or will we be forced into watching another day of Dark Shadows with Karen giving the evil vamp Barnabas oral sex to get Rick to pay up or will Karen get cast back in time where the deadly witch Angelique Bouchard sends her to Knoxville to haunt Bruce Pearl.

Sam Is Cutting Karen Loose

The first day of the Karen Sypher trial brought some startling new new’s to pass on to all those who are hanging on to everything to come out of the trial. Her latest sugar daddy is dumping her now that he found out how unfaithful a filly she really is. Yes its true

Sam is cutting Karen loose. He told Jerry Tipton in front of the court house that he not only didn’t have a new 4 by 4 but the gash darn varmit was lyin all around town about anything she said about him.

How The SEC Became The Man

I didn’t realize until I started reading about PCC slush funds that I actually knew nothing about football history other than the big things like how the Cat’s did, who won a bowl or who was #1. I didn’t know that scholarships weren’t universally offered by conferences till the late 50′s. The SEC, the SWC and other southern schools offered scholarships but the Big 10 and PCC provided jobs, with limits on pay and the Ivy was the Ivy.

The SEC began to become the football giant they are now after WWII, when returning veterans found it financially profitable to enroll in southern schools, since the government was paying for school and they got to keep the scholarship money. I could be wrong on exactly this worked but it did work.

In 1948, the northern schools found themselves at such a recruiting disadvantage to the southern schools that they had to do something. Because regional conferences set their own standards what they did was to have the NCAA, then a relatively powerless body as far as regulation went, assume a role as national regulator of recruiting. At the 1948 NCAA convention, the “Sanity Code” was instituted. This set a policy that no athletic scholarships were allowed, but off-season jobs were allowed, as long as the pay was limited to NCAA standards.

Then, a curious thing happened. Seven schools, on a follow-up questionnaire, noted that they were continuing to offer scholarships.

The issue of these schools, dubbed the “Sinful Seven” (Virginia, Maryland, V.M.I., V.P.I., The Citadel, Boston College and Villanova) was brought to the 1952 NCAA convention (per the rules at the time, the convention addressed violations, not the current committee). In a 130 – 60 vote, the NCAA decided to not punish them. At that point, the “Sanity Code” was dead and schools resumed offering scholarships. It wasn’t till 1957 that the now-familiar athletic grant-in-aid was finally adopted in 1957.

What happened then was that the PCC who was against scholarships ran into major problems with slush funds, became the Athletic Association of Western Universities (how’s that for a name) then the PAC 8 and began to offer scholarships.

The Big 10 also began offering scholarships but tied them in with higher academic standards for recruits. This led to a period in the late 1950′s where the Big 10 went from maybe the country’s toughest conference (the SEC of its day) to being no better than any other conference. Today you can really see the results with their ponderous style of play.

Amazing isn’t it how one little thing can lead to another. By first offering scholarships then getting great players and coaches the SEC began the climb up the ladder to what it is today.

Pre Season Top 25

How strong is the SEC. Our pre-season top 25 has 6 teams in it and I possibly could have put S. Carolina in it. Most of the polls I’ve seen so far have Ohio St. second but my thoughts are that Florida is going to be a whole lot better without Tim Tebow.

With LSU opening against North Carolina and Virginia Tech against Boise St. we will get to see if the ACC is overrated or not.

1. Alabama
2. Florida
3. Texas
4. Ohio State
5. Nebraska
6. Oklahoma
7. Virginia Tech
8. Boise State
9. Wisconsin
10. LSU
11. Oregon
12. Iowa
13. Penn State
14. North Carolina
15. USC
16. Georgia Tech
17. Miami
18. TCU
19. Auburn
20. Georgia
21. West Virginia
22. Florida State
23. Utah
24. Arkansas
25. BYU

SEC Media Days

The media days are off to a good start. One thing we know already is the SEC is going to be awesome in blocking wifi judging from the fact that it took forever for them to get it working. Those poor media people had to sit sadly refreshing their laptops over and over while we poor blogers could drink cheap beer and pound away on ours one finger at a time.

Perry Stevenson is shown with his awesome dunk on one of the videos they are showing during breaks. Way to go Perry!!!!!!!!

Alabama’s Nick Saban was his normal self starting politely and being led by questions into turning into a agent crunching demon. Other than saying “How are they any better than a pimp?” he reiterated what he said the other day about baning them from SEC campuses.

Well thats done but the questions were almost impossible to hear. Maybe we can ban Radio Shack for not working with the league.

Dan Mullen was as usual a entertaining talker and got the best quote of the day so far when ask a question with the word Alabama and or Saban in it. “Well, I’ve had a lot more first-round quarterbacks drafted than he’s ever had in his career.”

Urban Meyer handled the $100,000 question easily he said he went directly to Pouncey and ask if he did it and he said no. He agrees with Nick Saben on what to do with agents. He feels that there will be some sort of reaction by the NFL. Florida is going to pass mostly and run it from under center, by direct snaps and with the wildcat much like they did with Chris Leake. Nothing new there.

Joker was very upbeat about his coaches and wanted to get out in Kentucky get the Kentucky brand out for all to see. He talked about hitching himself to the basketball team during the spring. He also mentioned that the new coaching hires were already paying dividends in recruiting.

As fas as who will start at quarterback he said that we have two quarterbacks who have won in the league and three who can win and the position is still wide open. Derick Locke on the other hand said Hartline had a great spring and stepped up when it was needed.

Joker also said wanted his quarterback to “win” the game this year, rather than managing it”. You could feel the BBN stand up and run to the fridge for a cold one when that was said.

Defensive tackle Myron Walker and linebacker Will Johnson will transfer according to Joker and Paul Warford is ineligible. Warford is not really news since it was reported that he wasn’t doing to well in school. Mister Cobble’s status is up in the air right now.

Over all Joker cracked a few jokes and managed his first media days like a veteran.

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